My addiction to food

Hi there, I’m Phil, a compulsive overeater and food addict, and I’ve been part of this fellowship for about five years now. During that time, I’ve found a solution to my insanity when it comes to eating. I’ve also changed my relationship with food and people. I’m now living the life I feel I deserved, which isn’t controlled by food. Even better, I now have a way of dealing with my anxiety, stress, fears, resentments, and anger. And that’s one of the reasons I’m sticking with OA as a way of life. 
 
When I came into OA, I was pretty desperate. I couldn’t stop eating certain foods. I felt completely addicted, as if there was nothing in this world that could stop me eating.

​I’d go out of my way to eat certain foods, specifically chocolate, candy, pizza, bread, chips, pastries, cookies, and donuts. Basically, anything that had the right combination of sugar, carbs, and fat. I’d eat to the point where I’d feel physically sick, and even then, I’d sometimes keep eating. It was as if I was possessed, like a zombie. I often felt as if someone or something had taken over my body and was forcing me to eat. Even though my rational brain was saying no, no, no, stop, you’re killing yourself. 
 
Since joining OA, I’ve come to learn that I’m allergic to certain foods, and I can’t eat them. They don’t give me hives or make me sneeze - but I do have an adverse reaction. For me, the reaction happens in my brain and my body. When I eat these foods, my body and my brain physically and mentally craves more - to the point where I can’t stop from starting, and when I start, I can’t stop. 
 
So how did I stop? Well, getting off the foods was straightforward at first. I just had to not eat them for one day. Then, when I got through that day, I just had to get through another, and another, until about a week had passed. The physical cravings subsided, and next, I had to tackle the mental obsession. To deal with that, I attended OA meetings, got a sponsor (by just asking someone who was available to sponsor), and worked the steps. 
 
The promises came true for me at first. Then, I stopped working the steps, thinking I was cured. Slowly, but surly, the cravings came back, and my insanity around food returned.

Second time around, it was harder, because I knew what I had to do, and I resisted. Mainly because the high I got from eating these foods felt like the most important thing in my life and I didn’t want to give that up. I didn’t want to be fat and miserable, but I also didn't want to give up the food. I literally wanted to have my cake and eat it! 
 
Getting back off the addictive foods for the second, third and possibly fourth time was incredibly hard for me. But I became so desperate again, that I felt there was no other path for me if I wanted to live a life that wasn’t misery and despair.

When I ate the foods, I felt good at first, but it was short lived. I needed to keep eating to feel good, but I never felt good for long. That’s now changed. Today, I feel good, and not because I’m stuffing my face with the foods that were killing me. 
 
Giving up certain foods seemed impossible back when I was eating them. Now, I know that one bite, and it’s game over. As long as I remain honest to myself, work the steps, trust in a power greater than myself, I’ll remain sane. My life is better for it and I know that this program of recovery works, because I’ve seen it, and experienced it for myself.

If you want to experience it too, try going to an OA meeting. You’ve got nothing to lose, except the weight!