My abstinence

Hi there, I’m Phil, and I’m a compulsive overeater and food addict. I’ve been abstinent for about two months now. It doesn’t sound like a long time, but it’s a miracle for me, given how much I’ve struggled with food over the years. 
 
The current definition of abstinence, as defined by oa.org, is:
 
“The action of refraining from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviours while working towards or maintaining a healthy body weight.”
 
When I first started out in OA, I drew up a list of foods that I felt needed to be on my abstinence list. These were things like potato chips, anything with white flour (e.g., bread, pastries, baked goods etc.), processed sugar (including artificial sweetener), potato chips, fries and salted or dry roasted peanuts. These are all foods that once I start eating, I can’t stop. So, I cut them out of my diet completely. 
 
Did I stick to my abstinence list in the early days? Nope! Slowly but surely, I allowed certain foods to creep in, making up excuses and exceptions for things that I was addicted to, but was in denial about, and desperately wanted to eat again. Then came the ongoing battle with cravings. For example, I had a long-standing relationship with protein shakes. They filled me up in the morning and tasted great. I had a cycle of using them to replace meals and lose weight – but the weight always came back on when I started eating again. 
 
The protein shakes I was drinking contained no artificial sugars, but instead, sweeteners like monk fruit. Drinking one of these each day made breakfast time quick and easy and helped me stay full until lunch. However, it also meant that by the time I got to lunch, I was craving something sweet. So, after what must be close to 15-20 years of having the same breakfast, I gave up protein shakes. 
 
I now follow the 3-0-1 plan of eating, which is basically three meals a day, no snacks, and one day at a time. For each meal, I try to follow some basic rules, which are two handfuls of fruit or vegetables, one palm of protein and one handful of complex carbs like brown rice. I try to plan out my food in advance and spend a lot more time preparing food for the week ahead. It ensures I’m not tempted to open the food apps and order something online. 
 
My morning routine takes a bit longer now I make breakfast and lunch to take to work. But it’s worth the time and effort I put in because it helps ensure I don’t slip. I remind myself that one slip could actually be months of pain and misery for me, because once I start, it’s very hard for me to stop.
 
Do I miss the foods on my abstinence list? Not really, not today anyway. I don’t have uncontrollable cravings like I used to. But if you had asked me that question in my first week, my answer would have been different. I had to work really hard to get over the cravings. I did that by increasing the volume of healthy food I ate during the first two weeks so that I remained full. After a couple of weeks, things started to get easier, and I felt like my sanity was slowly returning. 
 
I try to remind myself that I’m recovering but not cured – I’ll likely never be cured. I work the steps every day and try to remain in fit spiritual condition to maintain my abstinence, because my life depends on it. 
 
When I feel tempted to go back into old patterns and behaviours, I double down on my prayers and meditation, and turn my attention to helping others. I do a step 10, and if all else fails, I’ll pick up the phone, or read my notes from when I was binging. That helps me remind myself how painful it was when I was binging and how it’s just not worth it anymore. It’s a journey and I’m taking it one day at a time. 
 
I once read that you don’t work on being abstinent, you work on the steps, which helps keep you in fit spiritual condition. And as long as you’re in fit spiritual condition, you’re going to remain sane and free from the temptation and insanity that makes you eat compulsively. I’ll assume that’s true for me!  
 
In doing some research for this blog, I did come across this abstinence literature resource guide on the oa.org website. It includes a link to an abstinence PowerPoint presentation that I found useful. I wanted to share it in case you find it useful too!