A new year, a new me

Hi everyone, I’m a compulsive overeater and food addict. It’s been about nine months since I posted on this blog. The reason is that I’ve spent the last 9 months “in the food.” I’ve been overeating, binging and feeling like I’ve got nothing to say that would offer strength and hope. But that’s what happens when I turn my back on this program. I become restless, irritable, and discontent, focused on myself and not others. 
 
So, today is a new year, and I’m in a much better place. I’ve been abstinent and spiritually fit for 47 days and I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. The weight is coming off and I’m feeling serenity. I’m also feeling the strength to start sharing my story again¾something that I try to do at regular Overeaters Anonymous meetings and by reaching out via text and phone to fellows. I do this as part of my step 12:
 
“Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” (Source: The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous).
 
I also recognize that I must make the time to work the steps every single day. There’s no vacation from it for me and I know that this is my way of life. But it’s a life that I prefer over the life I had, which was characterized by days, weeks and months of feeling tired, not wanting to get off the couch, feeling mad at myself and the world, and not being a good friend, partner, or employee. That’s not who I am, and I know that it’s who I become when I’m relying on myself and not this program. 
 
So, while I know I’m far from perfect, I also recognize that my brain can come up with any excuse for why I can’t do the simple things in life. Like getting up and meditating every day, going to meetings, and providing service etc. When I stop doing these things, I slip back into old patterns of behaviours. And once I’m back there, it’s incredibly hard for me to pull myself out of the black hole. On more than one occasion over the years, I’ve let myself reach the point of shear desperation and despair. But every time I manage to pull myself out of that hole, I learn another lesson and remember why it’s just not worth it to go back there again. 
 
I know a lot of people blog, journal and write to put their feelings down on paper. It can help us better understand our actions and reactions in a way that is often not revealed by simply thinking about them. I also know that when I share how I’m feeling it can help others who are feeling the same. That’s my hope in life. To do something for others and give back in a way that feels genuine, honest and authentic to me. 
 
If you’re new to Overeaters Anonymous, or you’re looking to start out again, come along to one of our meetings. It takes time, and there’s no quick fix. But there is a solution and way of life that provides an alternative to the one I had, which was no fun. 
 
I’m not sure what 2025 will bring. I trust that my higher power will guide me. And for today, I’ll just remember that I’m no longer running the show. I am no longer alone on this journey. I have hope, faith, and a new spiritual awareness that is all thanks to this program of recovery. For that I am grateful.