Daily prayer and meditation changed my life

Hi everyone, I’m a compulsive overeater and food addict, and I’ve been in OA for about six years now. My addictive behaviours around food and eating have controlled me most of my life. Before OA, I had tried everything. Every diet, self-help book, and hours of therapy. Over the years, I had managed to lose substantial amounts of weight and keep it off for a while. But eventually, I’d put the weight back on and return to my old ways. Nothing seemed to stick. That was until I joined Overeaters Anonymous. 
 
Other than putting down my addictive foods, one of my biggest challenges was working the steps. I heard many times in the OA rooms that it’s not easy, but it is straightforward and simple—if you work the steps, you will find recovery. I now agree with that. But when I first started out, I found it impossible to work the steps and blamed the program for my lack of recovery. But it wasn’t the program, it was me. 
 
I struggled with most of the steps, in particular Steps 8 and 9. Once I pushed through, I then found myself struggling with Step 11:
 
“Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.”

Taking time to do daily meditation and prayer each day felt like someone was asking me to climb Mount Everest. I just couldn’t do it. At the time, the other steps felt like a one and done, but I feared and resented having to do Step 11—it felt like I was being asked to make a lifelong commitment when all I really wanted to do was “graduate” from OA and not have to think about the steps anymore!  
 
Now, I was no stranger to meditation. I tried very hard to build a habit of meditation in the past and had some success. But like my abstinence, I seemed to flip flop, in and out. I’d be super motivated, relying on self-will, which I could do for a while. I’d go a week, maybe two, where I’d meditate every day without fail. But I struggled with my racing mind, not being able to sit still or fidget. Then, I’d give up, miss a day, and feel like it’s not working or worth it. My excuse was what I heard about meditation—that it only works if you build up a daily habit. You can’t expect it to work if you dabble here and there. 
 
That excuse stuck with me. I’d forget to do it one day and then I’d give up. I’ve always had a problem with routine and building habits. I find that when I’m not in recovery, I’m lazy, lack motivation, cynical, distracted. I am ADHD and I did and do suffer from anxiety. But somehow, I managed to breakthrough the cycle, and now I've been meditating and praying every morning for approximately 93 days. And I’m abstinent and in recovery, and I’m at peace with myself. I’ve found serenity. 
 
So, how did I manage to do it? Well, for me, it came down to some of the basic principles of the program. One day at a time. Practice over perfection. Turning my will and my life over to a power greater than myself. Also, recognizing that I’m not doing it for me, I’m doing it for the sake of others. I’m a horrible person when I’m not in recovery. I’m also a compassionate, loving, caring person, and it pains me greatly to know that I’m hurting others. I reminded myself of that every time my excuses popped into my head. The answer for me was to just let go and let God and make it the very first thing I do when I wake up in the morning. 
 
I’ll be honest and say that there have been a few days where I’ve forgotten to do my daily prayers and meditation. Those are the days when I notice I’m more irritated, fearful, and discontent. It usually happens when my routine changes unexpectedly. But I also read something about building habits that also stuck with me. It said building habits is easier when you connect it to something else you do. And know that you’ll never be perfect—but recognize that if you let something slip or slide for one day, it’s a dam sight easier to get it back on track than if you let it go two, three or four or more days. 
 
Now, if I forget to pray or meditate, I don’t let it slip for long. It’s the same with my abstinence. I’ve had somewhat perfect abstinence for the most part. But I have eaten my less addictive foods on one or two occasions, thinking it would be okay, only to realize that it’s not and I want more. Then, I know I must lean in on the program and remind myself that a slip isn’t a fall off the wagon. I just need to remember to take it one day at a time. Working hard for me is turning to the tools of recovery, praying and meditating more, and getting out of my own head by going to a meeting and doing something to help others.
 
Meditation and prayer for me is a way to connect to my higher power daily. To remain in fit spiritual condition and turn my will and my life over to the care of my God. It’s now effortless and I enjoy it. I have a few prayers I read daily, and sometimes I just go through the motions. But other days I stop and find deeper meaning in the words in relation to what’s happening in my life. It’s honestly like taking a calming pill at the beginning of the day that sets me up for success. And success for me is having a higher state of consciousness where I can be of maximum use to others.